Sunday, July 18, 2010

Blogfest of Death

This blogfest post is brought to you by @ Tessa’s Blurb.

Below is a death scene from my first manuscript. Enjoy! (989 words)

* * *

Mefist’s blood-red eyes locked onto Xixios, and although they bore no pupils, the assassin cringed.

“They hold me back?” Mefist asked. “You’ve got it wrong.” He leaned close. “I think they’re keeping me right where I belong,” he said firmly.

With a cry, Mefist forced the blades away from his chest and pushed Xixios until his feet gave away at the rock. A final push catapulted the assassin through the air and Xixios crashed at the foot of the altar. Xixios moaned in agony, but Mefist drew his scrutiny away from the demon and glanced back at Melana.

Mefist reached out to help, but she revolted for a moment. “Do not fear what I am,” he said.

Melana hesitated and grabbed his hand.

Mefist heaved her to her feet. Standing close, her hands resting on his waist, she peered into his red eyes.

“You’re still there, Valence?” she asked.

Of course, Valence said, this time in his own voice.

Gerad grumbled in discomfort as he stood and inspected the others’ conditions.

Mefist looked up from Melana, his stare on Gerad’s lips as they formed a warning.

Xixios’ crude roar bellowed from behind. Mefist turned, but was shoved away.

Melana jumped forward and thrust her left palm out, aura burning and summoning her Oath into a barrier. The barrier flashed to life, but a scream of terror echoed around it.

Mefist’s eyes widened and he stared, unable to help. He grabbed his red hair and collapsed to his knees, confusion welling within him. The pain of his first transformation from Valence’s body surged. Melana’s painful cry burned his eyes, and as quickly as the transformation came, Mefist’s skin singed away, bleaching over with a natural skin tone. His hair fell out, replaced by white clumps and his eyes reverted to their slate shade.

Gerad jumped up and called Oroyu and Kyona to follow him, but they could not pass the emerald barrier Melana had summoned.

Valence returned to his body, facing Melana’s back and wishing the sword held warmly in her skin was a hallucination. Blood oozed and stained her lace shirt a dark green.

Xixios laughed through curled lips before he wrenched the sword from her. Melana staggered and ebbed forward onto the bridge, seeping blood. Her head smacked the ground, the butterfly clips breaking and leaving her hair in a tangled mess. The barrier dropped, but Gerad and the others did not move.

Kneeling before Melana’s killer, Valence did not stare at Xixios for mercy, but rocked slowly and watched the earth of the bridge color red. He was breathless and a tear rolled down his dirty cheek.

“It is sad,” Xixios said, his sword directed at Valence, “to lose someone you love and remain unable to bring them back. Had you accepted my offer, you could have protected her.”

Valence’s eyes were hidden beneath his hair. “An old man once told me that something both marvelous and dreadful exists in the choices of men.”

Xixios inclined his head. “And what’s that?”

“Choice ceases to produce consequence.”

“I know that!” Xixios drove his fist across Valence’s face.

Valence remained on his knees, dizzy and lost.

“I am a result of consequence, as are you,” Xixios said.

“That may be so, but I have something you lack.” Valence’s words fumbled off his lips as he spat a concoction of saliva and blood. “I hold something in me that you will never have the pleasure to experience.”

Xixios sneered. “Please elaborate.”

Valence smiled and peeked through his hair. “I control my power while you are a host to yours.”

“You have nothing left, Valence. You have no weapon, certainly no power left and your friends are too frightened to move. This is your end!”

Valence hid a smile and laughed, his voice scratchy. “That is where you’re wrong. I will always have—”

Xixios’ golden eyes widened, brighter than ever. Black liquid dribbled from his tear ducts and dripped down his clenched lips.

Valence stood a foot from Xixios, arms extending fully and his hands bearing the black, aura-enriched weapons of Mefist. His Demi’s weapons, fused onto his arms, flared with a last bit of crushing power and faded off. Blood collected in a diagonal line over Xixios’ chest and gushed out in streams. His hands opened and released his twin sabers. Xixios’ body slid away at the waist with a morbid slush and fell to the ground. His legs crumpled over his body and the assassin’s eyes lodged open, the black pupils expanding.

“Power,” Valence said, his breathing intense. His eyes filled with fire as he stared at the slain demon.

Valence fell to his knees and clambered over Melana’s body. He forced himself to release his emotions, the love and agony he felt for her as tears ran down his face. Oroyu, Gerad and Kyona stepped forward, their shadows looming over the couple.

Valence cradled Melana’s head. Gerad knelt beside him and stroked the hair from her eyes. The animosity that had grown between them settled, as though for the moment Valence had put his crimes behind him. The quickening realization that he had failed another friend lingered forward. Valence rocked Melana and whispered her name in her ear, hoping that she would hear it.


  1. Although I don't normally like this sort of fantasy, this was well written and nicely focussed on the characters.

  2. There was a great sense of action and fantasy here, although as Stu points out this isn't exactly my favourite genre. Still, I liked it - the only thing I might say to watch out for is throwing in so many names into a scene when we have no idea about the background/relationships.

  3. @Sangu Sorry about that, but this was not a specially built scene for the fest. It is clipped from my manuscript.

  4. I really liked how visual it was. I could see the characters pretty clearly and what they were doing. Good job!

  5. Well, I haven't read in this genre for a while, but you make me miss it very much. It took a moment to catch on to Mefist/Valence duality; but it wasn't difficult to follow. This scene really pulled me in.

    Vivid, action packed, well developed characters and conflict. I'm glad you didn't change anything for the blogfest; it gave me a good sense of what the novel would be like.


    I browsed through several of your posts. You write well; I will visit again.


  6. Justin, awesome job! I love the ending bit's description of how Xixios meets his end. I'm a huge fan of fantasy and your writing draws me into a unique world and wonderful characters. Great job!

  7. Great scene! I love fantasy, it's my pet genre. An absolutely MWAHAHA worthy death scene.

    Thank you for joining my Blogfest, I hope you had fun writing and reading the other entries,


  8. Goodness it took me a long time to get here. I do enjoy fantasy writing and this was nicely done.

  9. I liked the mix of emotion and action in this scene. You did a great job of making the characters much more than just fantasy heroes...they're approachable. Great entry.


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I believe this as a philosophy, from a man who saw war and setback, and conquered all to bring us the greatest fantasy series that has ever been published. Leave your little comment and I'll get back to you.